A pint of Heineken, shaken not stirred

7 Apr

“A vodka Martini, shaken not stirred”

Whether you’ve read that with the subtle Scottish tones of Sean Connery, the ever-so British airs of Roger Moore or the urbane magnetism of Pierce Brosnan, it all evokes the image of one man: James Bond.

Leaning coolly on the bar – catching a glance of the most alluring woman in the room – Mr Bond will lean over and order this classy combination of liquor in every film; and despite the huge cliché that it is, we love it. The entire Bond filmography has arguably been trading on these moments, but that’s all set to change.

Heineken have now signed a deal with the film makers of the new flick: Skyfall – rumoured to be worth around $45million. Ultimately, what the deal means is that Bond is now a lager lad. No more will he be taking a smooth sip of a sophisticated cocktail as he effortlessly takes in his surroundings; now he will be gulping down his pint and pulling an aside to the camera to give a satisfied “aaahhh”, so we all feel like a  Heineken ourselves.

It’s not even like he can keep his famous line. “Shaken not stirred” is hardly appropriate, especially if he’ll be given a can. The smell of beer on 007’s suit will hardly attract the sort of ladies that he’s become accustomed to. Perhaps: “Draught not bottled” could replace it? Although I can only imagine this would evoke a disdainful look from the barman.

As you may be able to tell, I feel this venture is a non-starter. I just don’t see how the beer that sponsors the Champions League and a national rugby cup really fits in with the image of Bond. What would make sense is a revert to whisky, which thanks to the researchers at QI, we now know was by far his favourite tipple in his literary existence.

However, not only does this signal the end of Bond’s Martini drinking days, I fear it also heralds the final nail in the series’ coffin. Product placement reached embarrassing levels in Casino Royale, as illustrated in the video below:

Leaving Bond as nothing more than a brand bandwagon.

So as we bid the final farewell to Bond as we knew him, how about we take a minute to watch MI6’s finest at his best. Enjoying the calm before the storm, with his much-loved vodka Martini:

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